Hello, everyone!! I'm not here right now - probably in class or with my friends! Or on a mission. Um...leave me a message here and I'll get back to you soon, okay? Bye!!
[Who was the one that literally texted her just to whine and complain? Pot, meet kettle. Regardless, Ochako groans, rubs her eyes, and dials, too sleepy to register she hit the video call instead of audio, but fuck it. It's too hot in Heropa, and she hasn't been sleeping well because of it.
Don't mind your sleepy, messy-haired gal-pal blinking blearily back at you, Kacchan. Ochako yawns, shifting as she hugs her pillow closer.]
[Katsuki, meanwhile, has his hair pulled back with his bandana, revealing his forehead. Dark circles linger under his eyes, but he doesn't give a shit.]
[Oh...he looks really cute with his hair pulled back like that. She blinks slowly, then zeroes in on how exhausted he looks, brows coming together as she feels a pang of concern. Is Bakugo still not sleeping well?
For a moment, she forget what she was about to say, almost going to ask if he was alright, if he wanted to come over and use one of the spare rooms to rest, but...he'd never take her up on the offer. It'd be stupid to ask. Besides, this isn't about that, right now.]
...Can you really see yourself killing someone, Bakugo-kun? I...I-I can't. [A pause, then quieter--] I don't want to. And...if you think that's weak, then I'll accept that I'll never be strong. I don't care.
[He says without missing a beat, scowling at her before looking down at his desk.]
This isn't about you. And it's not about me- they're villains, they don't give a shit what you think, the only thing they care about is opportunity, and they will capitalize on any perceived weaknesses.
You just gave 'em a free fucking meal, and now I have to prove them wrong before they do something worse.
[She flinches, visibly, and Ochako lowers her communicator a little as her lower lip trembles. That's not what she expected, or hoped to hear. She wants to believe he's lying, putting on some sort of stupid front, but she knows better. There's quiet, for a long moment, broken by tiny, stifled gasps, as Ochako curls tightly into herself and tries not to cry.
Because he's right. Deep in her heart, Ochako knows Bakugo is right, but she hates it. He's right - the kinds of Villains in the League don't care about her moral code. They'll kill, and they'll hurt, anyone and everyone, and yet...and yet--]
We're not...supposed to kill anyone. Heroes don't kill. [She swallows the lump in her throat, biting her bottom lip as she takes a deep breath. ...No. No, she won't let him get the better of her. Even if Bakugo may be right, she won't let him change her mind.] A-And it's not about being weak, Bakugo-kun, it's about following the law.
And what we were taught.
If there's no other choice, then I...I-I understand, but don't... [She inhales, then exhales slowly, raising her communicator back to snarl back at him. Ochako wipes the corner of her eye with a thumb, resolve hard and unshakable, like a mountain in a howling storm.] Do not talk so brazenly about killing someone.
[He does not want to deal with this right now. He's on edge and running on two hours of sleep tops and the last thing he wants is to have a conversation about morals while fighting that sickening weight of dread in the pit of his stomach.]
The law? [He barks out a laugh, sharp and abrasive.]
There are no laws here. There's only the rules of our kidnappers and us, and I'm not about to let them win just because they put me in handcuffs once and have a shitty piece of paper with a stamp on it. [Fuck. He's a fucking idiot. This is why Deku is better suited for this shit. Maybe he's not worthy of being a hero at all. He barely realizes what he's saying now, he's just reacting, explosive and angry as always.]
You can feel however you want. But you don't get to speak for me. No one has that privilege 'cept me, understand?
I'M TALKING ABOUT OUR LAWS!! [Ochako finally snaps - Ochako suddenly doesn't give a damn if he's not sleeping, or only running on two hours. She's tired too, and angry, and frustrated, and not sure how to handle him when he's like this because she just...she feels like she can't get through to him. They're too different. And it hurts, because it seems like they could never fit together as friends...that all this is just waiting for something to knock it over, like a fragile house of cards.] STOP PRETENDING LIKE THEY DON'T EXIST NOW THAT WE'RE HERE!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SMARTER THAN THAT, BAKUGO! OR ARE YOU REALLY JUST GOING TO TOSS ALL THAT YOU LEARNED ASIDE NOW?!
[She sucks in a breath through her teeth, and though Ochako looks fierce and full of her own rage, it does nothing to how tears well in her eyes, and roll down her rosy cheeks.]
...Fine. I won't tell everyone how great I think you are, or how you're always so brave, and so strong. I won't say I think you're a good person, despite how awful you are to everyone you meet. Like it's fun for you. I won't tell anyone how I really, honestly...fully believe you'd become someone great. [Her hands shake, but her voice more so. You were wrong, Bakugo...Uraraka is actually very fragile.]
I'll tell them you're a killer, Lord Explosion Murder. If that's what you want so badly. My friend...my hero...the killer.
OUR LAWS DON'T MEAN SHIT RIGHT NOW, AND THEY AREN'T GOING TO HELP US FIND A WAY OUT, I AM!!!
[He tries to breathe, but he's going to fast, his voice catching in his throat.]
All it takes is Shigaraki being in a bad enough mood and he'll-
[She doesn't fucking get it. She never has, just like everyone else, but the only difference is now it's not just about pride. Even if every word she says feels like another nail to his heart, he keeps going.]
This isn't about your hurt feelings, or friendship, or whatever bullshit you've convinced yourself of, Shigaraki is here and no one else seems to give a shit so yeah, if I have to kill someone to make sure all of my classmates live because no one else will, I'll fucking do it, because this place doesn't give a shit about you and it ain't going to protect you.
[She's not the only one who's capable of crying. Even though the tears haven't spilled yet, they still lurk in the corners of his eyes, making his eyes glassy as he hisses.]
And if that's too unpleasant or upsetting or not heroic enough for you, fine, at least you'll be able to be pissed at me...so you can shut the hell up and fuck off.
[He ends it there, cutting off the transmission. His vision is clouding black at the sides, as if it's closing in on him, and he doesn't need to talk to her. Not like this.
[She's startled, silenced, by the force of his shout, but it's not the volume or the anger behind it that really makes Ochako go silent, it's how...how desperate, scared, broken his voice sounds. Bakugo doesn't break, he doesn't get scared, he doesn't--... She barely registers how hard she's gasping for air as he continues his verbal tirade, each sentence like fingers curling around her throat, choking out the sound and air from her lungs. It hurts...it hurts to see and hear Bakugo when he's like this - something she never expected to see, ever, and not something she wanted to see.
Was this what he really meant? No...no, no, no, no--! She had it all wrong. Idiot!! Stupid! WHY?! WHY CAN'T SHE EVER UNDERSTAND HIM?! Only when she messes up does she finally ever get it - he's always been good. Always been weighing himself down just trying to protect everyone, get them all home safely, and she...she--]
Bak--!
[But he's gone, and Ochako feels like she'd just been stabbed. Hot, furious tears drip down her face, but she growls, throwing back the covers of her bed, racing out her door without a thought or care to even change. She doesn't even put on shoes, or a hoodie, anything. Doesn't grab anything, or say anything to anyone. They don't matter right now. Nothing matters more than getting to Bakugo. She hesitated last time...but not this time. Not this time. She runs as fast as she can, doesn't stop for anything or anyone. It all blurs past after a while. People, faces, buildings...is it her tears, or just how fast she's running? Nothing stands out other than the harsh sound of her labored breaths, the slap of her bare feet across the hot asphalt. She's not going to run away this time...not going to disappear.
Faster...farther--don't stop. Not until she gets to the Porter. In it, through it, and the race begins anew. A quick breather, just when she arrives beyond Heropa, scrubbing at her face - sweat, tears, her hair sticking to her dirty face. Just a moment, a second, just to get a read on the direction and throttle forward again. All the while, his angry, hurt, sad, broken image plays in Ochako's mind, making her run well and past her limit.
Before long, she finds herself at his doorstep, pounding furiously on the wood in tandem to the beat of her throbbing heart. Open the door, or she may very well kick it in. Ochako won't let Bakugo shoulder all those worries alone, like hell. She won't leave him - not now or ever - to suffer in silence all alone. Is this why he wasn't sleeping, too? Because he was so worried about them all? Protecting them all? Her knuckles hurt from how hard she's slamming them against the door, and if there's blood, Ochako doesn't care. That tiny pain is irrelevant to whatever hurt her friend is feeling right now.
[It's quiet once Katsuki hangs up, other than his own panicked breathing, but the silence does nothing to calm him down.
He fucked up.
Again.
He should have just kept his stupid mouth shut. Let Ochako believe what she wanted, let her fool Twice into thinking he was a good guy, a decent hero, and not the fucking mess that he was. Would it have made a difference? At least then, he wouldn't have had to deal with this crushing feeling on his chest, like he's dying, because he's weak, he doesn't know what he's fucking doing, his classmates don't fucking know what they're doing, he's going to fail and this time it won't just be All Might's retirement on his shoulders. Pinpricks dance in front of his eyes as he chokes out a sob and hiccups-
Bang.
The knocking snaps him out of it- somewhat, because who the hell would be knocking at this hour?
Bang.]
WOULD SOMEONE FUCKING GET THAT?!
[He yells, but no one answers, and the knocking doesn't stop. After scrubbing his eyes raw, he stands up, not giving a shit how he looks as he opens the door.]
[The instant the door is opened, Ochako charges at her friend - takes maybe a fraction of a second to register his face, his voice - and she throws herself at Bakugo in a desperate hug, arms wound tight around him and holding almost painfully to his shirt. It's clear from just how ragged she looks - still in her pajamas, barefoot, wheezing, and flustered from a combination of fatigue and how hard she's crying now - that she ran straight here. Straight to him.
Ochako barely gets in a gulp of air before she's sobbing into Bakugo's shoulder, her voice hoarse and gravely from how hard she was gasping earlier, and how raw her throat is.]
BAKUGO, I'M SORRY!! I'M SORRY! I'M SO STUPID, AND YOU'RE RIGHT, ALL YOU SAID BEFORE WAS RIGHT... [Coughing, gasping, shaking because her calves are burning, her chest hurts, and her head feels like it's going to split open, Ochako sinks a little against her friend, but she doesn't let go of him, only pulls Bakugo closer.] I keep saying mean, hurtful things because I never think, I never take things seriously, and you--
[Her voice finally cracks, and she coughs hard this time, gasping for breath because her chest hurts, but goddamn it she's not finished. Rubbing her face against his shoulder, Ochako looks up to meet his eyes, and were she not clinging to him now, she'd have fallen to the ground because...because he was crying, too. All the words stop at that point, as her face twists into a pained, heartbroken, expression and she bows her head back to lay her forehead against his chest, gasping and crying quietly.]
...You're always t-trying so hard, B-Bakugo-kun. A-Always. And I can't even-- [She sinks further, feeling her knees buckle.] HOW CAN I CALL MYSELF YOUR FRIEND WHEN I'M LIKE THIS?! WHEN I KEEP HURTING YOU?! I SHOULD BE SUPPORTING YOU!! BUT I'M WEAK, YOU'RE RIGHT!!
[Katsuki barely has time to absorb it all. One moment he's just realizing that it's Ochako who's running at him as he begins to lower his hands to stop himself from attacking her because it's Ochako, not an enemy, the next she's all but collapsed against his shoulder and he glances down, notices her bare feet, her pajamas, her tears-]
Wh-
[Why? He wants to ask. Why is she sorry, why is she crying over him? She wasn't the one who screwed up. She was the kind of person people looked at and could see as a hero, even though people severely underestimated her- not him. The sinking feeling in his chest is back, but now it's clawing its way up his chest and limbs, and it fucking hurts, and he just wants it to go away. Goddamnit, who the hell decided giving a shit about people was supposed to feel like shit?
He blinks a few times, looking down at her heartbroken face, and it's as if someone ripped his heart from his chest.
He's an idiot. This is just as hard for her as it is for him.]
You're not weak.
[He finally mumbles, and before she can sink down more, he loops his arms beneath her to pick her up, not even thinking about it as he walks over to the couch with her in his arms. Did she really run all the way here?]
You have something I'm missing. And it- [It pisses him off. But that's not her fault. It's not Deku's fault either.] It's not weak to give a shit and spare lives.
[No, he's wrong. Wrong about her being strong, wrong about her being seen as a hero. Even now, even here, in a totally different world...she's just seen an another cute girl with cute, fun powers. She can make things float! That's adorable!! She's not a hero in their eyes, she's a mascot. And she's so sick of it, she's so sick of trying hard and feeling like she's getting better, stronger, only to have all her hard work downplayed with a pat on the head and a hollow laugh of "that's nice" - while other people, other ImPorts, heroes, get to live in the limelight. She doesn't even want the popularity, just a little recognition. Anything...to make her feel like what she's doing now means something to someone.
Because Bakugo is right, he's always been right about the bigger picture. It doesn't fucking matter. Nothing matters in this place until they get home.
His arms are under er, picking her up, and Ochako doesn't even flinch, just hangs her head and leans it into the crook of his neck tiredly. Now that all the adrenaline is wearing off, she can feel the exhaustion and the pain and soreness rushing in to take its place. Her throat is raw from breathing so hard, crying so hard, her head aches from crying, and she feels almost dizzy. Her feet are dusty, covered in sand, small rocks, and maybe a few cuts and scrapes - red, raw, and probably going to have some heat blisters tomorrow, too - but Ochako's hands still hold firmly to Bakugo's shirt. She's not leaving, and nothing could tear her away. Not this fucking world, not Shigaraki, not anything. Her friend needs her right now, and maybe she needs him, too.]
I can't do the things you do. I'm not strong enough, or smart enough... [Or good enough.] No one cares about what I do. I can look and dress up like a hero all I want, but...what's the point if no one's looking at me to begin with?
[Something he's missing? Kindness? Sincerity? Empathy? Those are all pretty words, and yeah, maybe she shows it better, but...Bakugo is kind. He's sincere, he always thinks about everyone else, before himself. From the start, he was trying to get everyone out of this stupid world. Now that Shigaraki is here, he must have been doubling down on those efforts, while also trying to formulate a plan to keep them all from getting hurt. On his own... All on his own, because that's just how he is. He's really mature, even if he goes about things the wrong way sometimes. Deku is right...Kacchan is amazing.
Once they're on the couch, Ochako moves - wincing, because her muscles burn and strain - just enough to curl she arms around her friend's shoulders and hold him there quietly, fingers carding through the ends of his hair. She doesn't care who might walk in and see. They can shove off. Her friend has been doing everything on his own, he's probably stressed and anxious, and scared...even if he'd never admit it.]
And it's not cruel to know when you have to take the worst option. The one no one else wants to admit may be the best...the only one. [She sniffs, feeling a few more tears escape from the corners of her eyes.] I'm sorry, Bakugo...I didn't mean what I said. I was angry, and scared, a-and--
[People are idiots who only see what they want to see. Even heroes were guilty of that. Katsuki didn't really give a shit, but he knew how exhausting it could be to hear the same thing over, and over, and over again. Let them think what they fucking want and kick their asses and let them learn the hard way.
Ochako's breath is warm against his neck, and he tries not to think about how despite everything, it feels nice holding onto her, like everything is a little less shitty. He'll look at her feet and take care of them before she leaves, but not yet. Not until they're done with this. A part of him doesn't want her to leave- but they're both tired, and he'll worry about that later.
He also tries not to think about how her admission hurts. It shouldn't hurt. Anger flares up, and it's so much easier for him to deal with. Without even thinking, he cups her face in his palms to get her to look up. Her skin is soft.]
I'm looking at you. I notice you. You can't do what I do, but I can't do what you do. I'll never be able to do what you do. Don't fucking waste it.
[He lets his hands drop, averting his gaze to the floor, registering Ochako moving but not reacting until she starts carding her fingers through his hair. His eyes widen and he tenses up at first, before he realizes what she's doing and relaxes, tilting his head into her hand, his eyes halfway shut.]
Don't apologize. [He hums, wrapping his arms around her now that they're sitting and opening his eyes again. It's good she has a backbone. It means he can fight her seriously.] I'm-
[He wants to say "I'm scared too", but the words die on his tongue.]
[She flinches at first, because Bakugo holding her face in his hands was not what Ochako was expecting, and her breath seems to catch when she's forced to look into his eyes. She's always like them - would have said they're his best physical feature, aside from his poofy hair - bright, intense, and they always hold way more emotion than Bakugo ever lets on. He's always a "show, don't tell" sort of person, right down to his physicality. Actions speaking louder than words, and a look that could either kill, or fill her heart with so much warmth that Ochako's eyes gloss with unshed tears all over again.
Her lower lip trembles, and she sniffs, trying to blink away the heat pooling at the corners of her eyes, because...b-because--
I'm looking at you. I notice you.]
Bakugo...kun... [She tears her gaze away from him when his hands drop, swallowing the knot in her throat, but it's weird, because...despite everything, what he said really, really made her happy. A smile, tiny, and frayed, because she's tired - they're both tired - and while those little rays of sunshine he let warm her heart were gentle, kind, and soothing...there's still a raw, endless, turbulent sea of the unknown open before them.] I don't...th-think you're missing anything. It's there, a-always has been, I just...d-don't think you can see it right now.
[But you will, Ochako thinks, as she pauses just a moment, just about to remove her hand until Bakugo signals it's alright, and she continues, marveling at how incredibly soft and feathery his hair is. It's nothing like how hard and spiky everyone assumes it to be. A little like Bakugo himself, actually. He appears one way, but is totally different once you look past the surface. He's kind, and gentle, and considerate, and--
And you like him.
The thought crosses her mind, and she's too tired, too comfortable, too absorbed in looking at how tired her poor friend is, to deny it. So she accepts it. Yeah. She likes him. A lot.]
You look tired. [She says it in response to his admission, because Ochako understands. He doesn't need to explain, he doesn't need to say it. She understands. It's okay...she's right here. And she'll stay here as long as it takes to ease that fear and that stress. She won't disappear again. He'll never be alone, never have to shoulder it all alone, because she'll always come running.]
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[IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA USE YOUR WORDS, SHE'S TURNING HER PHONE OFF AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP.]
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I CANT BELIEV EYOU FUCKING TOLD THAT BASTARD I WOULDNT KILL HIM
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...i have no idea who ur talking about. baku, u threaten EVERYONE who sneezes in ur directoin.
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that ain't fucking true!
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...if u don't tell me what u wnat i'm going back to bed.
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Now I have to prove u wrong
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ohhhh ok
u wouldn't tho. i kno u wouldn't
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and that ain't even the point. how the fuck does that benefit us if he thinks we're weak?
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bakugo... can i call u? [This is probably easier said in words than text.]
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Text > Video
Don't mind your sleepy, messy-haired gal-pal blinking blearily back at you, Kacchan. Ochako yawns, shifting as she hugs her pillow closer.]
Bakugo-kun?
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What.
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For a moment, she forget what she was about to say, almost going to ask if he was alright, if he wanted to come over and use one of the spare rooms to rest, but...he'd never take her up on the offer. It'd be stupid to ask. Besides, this isn't about that, right now.]
...Can you really see yourself killing someone, Bakugo-kun? I...I-I can't. [A pause, then quieter--] I don't want to. And...if you think that's weak, then I'll accept that I'll never be strong. I don't care.
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[He says without missing a beat, scowling at her before looking down at his desk.]
This isn't about you. And it's not about me- they're villains, they don't give a shit what you think, the only thing they care about is opportunity, and they will capitalize on any perceived weaknesses.
You just gave 'em a free fucking meal, and now I have to prove them wrong before they do something worse.
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Because he's right. Deep in her heart, Ochako knows Bakugo is right, but she hates it. He's right - the kinds of Villains in the League don't care about her moral code. They'll kill, and they'll hurt, anyone and everyone, and yet...and yet--]
We're not...supposed to kill anyone. Heroes don't kill. [She swallows the lump in her throat, biting her bottom lip as she takes a deep breath. ...No. No, she won't let him get the better of her. Even if Bakugo may be right, she won't let him change her mind.] A-And it's not about being weak, Bakugo-kun, it's about following the law.
And what we were taught.
If there's no other choice, then I...I-I understand, but don't... [She inhales, then exhales slowly, raising her communicator back to snarl back at him. Ochako wipes the corner of her eye with a thumb, resolve hard and unshakable, like a mountain in a howling storm.] Do not talk so brazenly about killing someone.
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The law? [He barks out a laugh, sharp and abrasive.]
There are no laws here. There's only the rules of our kidnappers and us, and I'm not about to let them win just because they put me in handcuffs once and have a shitty piece of paper with a stamp on it. [Fuck. He's a fucking idiot. This is why Deku is better suited for this shit. Maybe he's not worthy of being a hero at all. He barely realizes what he's saying now, he's just reacting, explosive and angry as always.]
You can feel however you want. But you don't get to speak for me. No one has that privilege 'cept me, understand?
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[She sucks in a breath through her teeth, and though Ochako looks fierce and full of her own rage, it does nothing to how tears well in her eyes, and roll down her rosy cheeks.]
...Fine. I won't tell everyone how great I think you are, or how you're always so brave, and so strong. I won't say I think you're a good person, despite how awful you are to everyone you meet. Like it's fun for you. I won't tell anyone how I really, honestly...fully believe you'd become someone great. [Her hands shake, but her voice more so. You were wrong, Bakugo...Uraraka is actually very fragile.]
I'll tell them you're a killer, Lord Explosion Murder. If that's what you want so badly. My friend...my hero...the killer.
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[He tries to breathe, but he's going to fast, his voice catching in his throat.]
All it takes is Shigaraki being in a bad enough mood and he'll-
[She doesn't fucking get it. She never has, just like everyone else, but the only difference is now it's not just about pride. Even if every word she says feels like another nail to his heart, he keeps going.]
This isn't about your hurt feelings, or friendship, or whatever bullshit you've convinced yourself of, Shigaraki is here and no one else seems to give a shit so yeah, if I have to kill someone to make sure all of my classmates live because no one else will, I'll fucking do it, because this place doesn't give a shit about you and it ain't going to protect you.
[She's not the only one who's capable of crying. Even though the tears haven't spilled yet, they still lurk in the corners of his eyes, making his eyes glassy as he hisses.]
And if that's too unpleasant or upsetting or not heroic enough for you, fine, at least you'll be able to be pissed at me...so you can shut the hell up and fuck off.
[He ends it there, cutting off the transmission. His vision is clouding black at the sides, as if it's closing in on him, and he doesn't need to talk to her. Not like this.
Maybe not ever.]
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Was this what he really meant? No...no, no, no, no--! She had it all wrong. Idiot!! Stupid! WHY?! WHY CAN'T SHE EVER UNDERSTAND HIM?! Only when she messes up does she finally ever get it - he's always been good. Always been weighing himself down just trying to protect everyone, get them all home safely, and she...she--]
Bak--!
[But he's gone, and Ochako feels like she'd just been stabbed. Hot, furious tears drip down her face, but she growls, throwing back the covers of her bed, racing out her door without a thought or care to even change. She doesn't even put on shoes, or a hoodie, anything. Doesn't grab anything, or say anything to anyone. They don't matter right now. Nothing matters more than getting to Bakugo. She hesitated last time...but not this time. Not this time. She runs as fast as she can, doesn't stop for anything or anyone. It all blurs past after a while. People, faces, buildings...is it her tears, or just how fast she's running? Nothing stands out other than the harsh sound of her labored breaths, the slap of her bare feet across the hot asphalt. She's not going to run away this time...not going to disappear.
Faster...farther--don't stop. Not until she gets to the Porter. In it, through it, and the race begins anew. A quick breather, just when she arrives beyond Heropa, scrubbing at her face - sweat, tears, her hair sticking to her dirty face. Just a moment, a second, just to get a read on the direction and throttle forward again. All the while, his angry, hurt, sad, broken image plays in Ochako's mind, making her run well and past her limit.
Before long, she finds herself at his doorstep, pounding furiously on the wood in tandem to the beat of her throbbing heart. Open the door, or she may very well kick it in. Ochako won't let Bakugo shoulder all those worries alone, like hell. She won't leave him - not now or ever - to suffer in silence all alone. Is this why he wasn't sleeping, too? Because he was so worried about them all? Protecting them all? Her knuckles hurt from how hard she's slamming them against the door, and if there's blood, Ochako doesn't care. That tiny pain is irrelevant to whatever hurt her friend is feeling right now.
Open the door, Bakugo.]
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He fucked up.
Again.
He should have just kept his stupid mouth shut. Let Ochako believe what she wanted, let her fool Twice into thinking he was a good guy, a decent hero, and not the fucking mess that he was. Would it have made a difference? At least then, he wouldn't have had to deal with this crushing feeling on his chest, like he's dying, because he's weak, he doesn't know what he's fucking doing, his classmates don't fucking know what they're doing, he's going to fail and this time it won't just be All Might's retirement on his shoulders. Pinpricks dance in front of his eyes as he chokes out a sob and hiccups-
Bang.
The knocking snaps him out of it- somewhat, because who the hell would be knocking at this hour?
Bang.]
WOULD SOMEONE FUCKING GET THAT?!
[He yells, but no one answers, and the knocking doesn't stop. After scrubbing his eyes raw, he stands up, not giving a shit how he looks as he opens the door.]
Wha-
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Ochako barely gets in a gulp of air before she's sobbing into Bakugo's shoulder, her voice hoarse and gravely from how hard she was gasping earlier, and how raw her throat is.]
BAKUGO, I'M SORRY!! I'M SORRY! I'M SO STUPID, AND YOU'RE RIGHT, ALL YOU SAID BEFORE WAS RIGHT... [Coughing, gasping, shaking because her calves are burning, her chest hurts, and her head feels like it's going to split open, Ochako sinks a little against her friend, but she doesn't let go of him, only pulls Bakugo closer.] I keep saying mean, hurtful things because I never think, I never take things seriously, and you--
[Her voice finally cracks, and she coughs hard this time, gasping for breath because her chest hurts, but goddamn it she's not finished. Rubbing her face against his shoulder, Ochako looks up to meet his eyes, and were she not clinging to him now, she'd have fallen to the ground because...because he was crying, too. All the words stop at that point, as her face twists into a pained, heartbroken, expression and she bows her head back to lay her forehead against his chest, gasping and crying quietly.]
...You're always t-trying so hard, B-Bakugo-kun. A-Always. And I can't even-- [She sinks further, feeling her knees buckle.] HOW CAN I CALL MYSELF YOUR FRIEND WHEN I'M LIKE THIS?! WHEN I KEEP HURTING YOU?! I SHOULD BE SUPPORTING YOU!! BUT I'M WEAK, YOU'RE RIGHT!!
I'm weak...
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Wh-
[Why? He wants to ask. Why is she sorry, why is she crying over him? She wasn't the one who screwed up. She was the kind of person people looked at and could see as a hero, even though people severely underestimated her- not him. The sinking feeling in his chest is back, but now it's clawing its way up his chest and limbs, and it fucking hurts, and he just wants it to go away. Goddamnit, who the hell decided giving a shit about people was supposed to feel like shit?
He blinks a few times, looking down at her heartbroken face, and it's as if someone ripped his heart from his chest.
He's an idiot. This is just as hard for her as it is for him.]
You're not weak.
[He finally mumbles, and before she can sink down more, he loops his arms beneath her to pick her up, not even thinking about it as he walks over to the couch with her in his arms. Did she really run all the way here?]
You have something I'm missing. And it- [It pisses him off. But that's not her fault. It's not Deku's fault either.] It's not weak to give a shit and spare lives.
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Because Bakugo is right, he's always been right about the bigger picture. It doesn't fucking matter. Nothing matters in this place until they get home.
His arms are under er, picking her up, and Ochako doesn't even flinch, just hangs her head and leans it into the crook of his neck tiredly. Now that all the adrenaline is wearing off, she can feel the exhaustion and the pain and soreness rushing in to take its place. Her throat is raw from breathing so hard, crying so hard, her head aches from crying, and she feels almost dizzy. Her feet are dusty, covered in sand, small rocks, and maybe a few cuts and scrapes - red, raw, and probably going to have some heat blisters tomorrow, too - but Ochako's hands still hold firmly to Bakugo's shirt. She's not leaving, and nothing could tear her away. Not this fucking world, not Shigaraki, not anything. Her friend needs her right now, and maybe she needs him, too.]
I can't do the things you do. I'm not strong enough, or smart enough... [Or good enough.] No one cares about what I do. I can look and dress up like a hero all I want, but...what's the point if no one's looking at me to begin with?
[Something he's missing? Kindness? Sincerity? Empathy? Those are all pretty words, and yeah, maybe she shows it better, but...Bakugo is kind. He's sincere, he always thinks about everyone else, before himself. From the start, he was trying to get everyone out of this stupid world. Now that Shigaraki is here, he must have been doubling down on those efforts, while also trying to formulate a plan to keep them all from getting hurt. On his own... All on his own, because that's just how he is. He's really mature, even if he goes about things the wrong way sometimes. Deku is right...Kacchan is amazing.
Once they're on the couch, Ochako moves - wincing, because her muscles burn and strain - just enough to curl she arms around her friend's shoulders and hold him there quietly, fingers carding through the ends of his hair. She doesn't care who might walk in and see. They can shove off. Her friend has been doing everything on his own, he's probably stressed and anxious, and scared...even if he'd never admit it.]
And it's not cruel to know when you have to take the worst option. The one no one else wants to admit may be the best...the only one. [She sniffs, feeling a few more tears escape from the corners of her eyes.] I'm sorry, Bakugo...I didn't mean what I said. I was angry, and scared, a-and--
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Ochako's breath is warm against his neck, and he tries not to think about how despite everything, it feels nice holding onto her, like everything is a little less shitty. He'll look at her feet and take care of them before she leaves, but not yet. Not until they're done with this. A part of him doesn't want her to leave- but they're both tired, and he'll worry about that later.
He also tries not to think about how her admission hurts. It shouldn't hurt. Anger flares up, and it's so much easier for him to deal with. Without even thinking, he cups her face in his palms to get her to look up. Her skin is soft.]
I'm looking at you. I notice you. You can't do what I do, but I can't do what you do. I'll never be able to do what you do. Don't fucking waste it.
[He lets his hands drop, averting his gaze to the floor, registering Ochako moving but not reacting until she starts carding her fingers through his hair. His eyes widen and he tenses up at first, before he realizes what she's doing and relaxes, tilting his head into her hand, his eyes halfway shut.]
Don't apologize. [He hums, wrapping his arms around her now that they're sitting and opening his eyes again. It's good she has a backbone. It means he can fight her seriously.] I'm-
[He wants to say "I'm scared too", but the words die on his tongue.]
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Her lower lip trembles, and she sniffs, trying to blink away the heat pooling at the corners of her eyes, because...b-because--
I'm looking at you. I notice you.]
Bakugo...kun... [She tears her gaze away from him when his hands drop, swallowing the knot in her throat, but it's weird, because...despite everything, what he said really, really made her happy. A smile, tiny, and frayed, because she's tired - they're both tired - and while those little rays of sunshine he let warm her heart were gentle, kind, and soothing...there's still a raw, endless, turbulent sea of the unknown open before them.] I don't...th-think you're missing anything. It's there, a-always has been, I just...d-don't think you can see it right now.
[But you will, Ochako thinks, as she pauses just a moment, just about to remove her hand until Bakugo signals it's alright, and she continues, marveling at how incredibly soft and feathery his hair is. It's nothing like how hard and spiky everyone assumes it to be. A little like Bakugo himself, actually. He appears one way, but is totally different once you look past the surface. He's kind, and gentle, and considerate, and--
And you like him.
The thought crosses her mind, and she's too tired, too comfortable, too absorbed in looking at how tired her poor friend is, to deny it. So she accepts it. Yeah. She likes him. A lot.]
You look tired. [She says it in response to his admission, because Ochako understands. He doesn't need to explain, he doesn't need to say it. She understands. It's okay...she's right here. And she'll stay here as long as it takes to ease that fear and that stress. She won't disappear again. He'll never be alone, never have to shoulder it all alone, because she'll always come running.]
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i made myself cry
You made ME cry
I'M SORRY ;;;
Re: I'M SORRY ;;;
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