Hello, everyone!! I'm not here right now - probably in class or with my friends! Or on a mission. Um...leave me a message here and I'll get back to you soon, okay? Bye!!
[Well, that's sure as hell one way to very suddenly burst Ochako's bubble. She was so, so ready to get angry. To start a fight. To tell Shigaraki off and slam her communicator down and not talk to him again, because...because of course she's had those thoughts. Ochako is human. She gets angry, she gets jealous, she gets bitter and spiteful. And she wishes bad things on people sometimes too, but would never truly act on them.
So having someone willing to, for her sake, it makes her feel...stained. Dirty. Not like herself. ...'One of his own', huh?]
A villain? No... or that depends, Ochako. Are you asking me to take care of one or both parts of your situation? I like Kaneki, but I understand wanting to destroy what we hate. Truth be told he may have to be killed anyway.
I'm ASKING you to stop saying that. Please stop, Tomura.
[And yet she...knew this would happen. She knew, the moment Kaneki involved himself with the League, involved himself with them, something like this would happen. The gut feeling she had, even since the goddamn disaster that was the Christmas party, was right on the fucking money. She likes Kaneki just the same, but Ochako hates how unbelievably naive he can be sometimes.
You want me to lie to you, is what you're saying. I can lie to you.
Everything's going to be alright. Nothing can ever hurt you. You'll be fine. Are those ones enough or should I go on? You can block me, Ochako, but you can't block the truth.
Face what hurts and use it. That feeling is the most driving feeling you could ever have.
[And that's the last straw. Ochako takes Shigaraki's advice and blocks his number, turns off her phone, and shoves it so hard into a drawer the entire frame rattles.
And then she rushes to the bathroom to throw up. God she can't stand him sometimes. The moments where he reminds her who she's dealing with again, and that she shouldn't let him in too much. Her head is pounding, she feels sick (probably because she just was), and all Ochako wants to do is sleep. But she can't, and she doesn't, and she hates how she goes to grab her phone, hours later, and unblock Shigaraki, and text him. Because she can't ignore what he said. Can't ignore the truth indeed.]
[He knows he's been blocked and that's fine. If it's now, if it's forever. She's still got to live with his words.
To him it doesn't bother him enough to stop his night-owl routine, because he knows he's right. Routine of just playing on his handheld to get a few more hours of work in. Work he was actually starting to enjo--
Heh.]
Then you hate yourself. It's still usable hate. It's up to you what you do with it, like blocking the man trying to help you. You used the hate you had to act decisively.
Edited (Shut up I know words LOL) 2021-01-03 04:58 (UTC)
[It takes a while for Ochako to respond again, she's gone back and forth through dizzy spells and feeling like she's going to throw up again on and off. She's felt like this once before - the tightness in her chest, and the feeling of floating without her quirk, the buzzing in her ears--
It was when she came back in, gosh, the end of September? After all that. Ochako hasn't felt like herself since...that time. Maybe she isn't. It'd explain why she's been second guessing every thought, feeling, and action she's done for months now. Maybe she's not really herself.]
[It was, but for Ochako she's not sure if it's for better or worse. It feels more like the latter sometimes. especially when she hits those low points, like right now.]
shakes don't feel good. sorry
[And while Ochako will wait for Tomura, she doesn't wait too close to her home area. Using her quirk, she sneaks out her window after leaving a note for Momo on her desk, in case she's not back for a while. A half-lie, saying she got called out by a friend who needed company. Another thing that makes her feel miserable - lying to her friends, keeping secrets from them, feeling like if she's honest, they'll also reject o-or abandon her...
Ochako's not hard to find, even with Search - there's a small shopping plaza a little ways away from the residential area, a few blocks. She has the headpiece of her hero suit on, but otherwise is dressed casually and sitting on the concrete support of a street light. The headpiece helps with headaches, and she can probably get away with people thinking it's just a weird pair of custom headphones....not that anyone's really out to see, though.]
[Doing all this legwork was starting to grate on him, not because of her, because of himself. This was definitely a manipulatable situation. He could use this, but there was a small war in his mind as to if it was reasonable or if he should care to. What end did it serve? Nothing really.
Maybe without Search it wouldn't be hard, but with it was easier and like a beacon, he was able to pinpoint her both visually and specifically by her quirk. As he walked up behind her, he didn't make any move to conceal that his shuffle of shoes every now and again made noise. He knows she hasn't stayed home, and he knows she'll figure out he has a way to track them if she didn't give him a location.]
You shouldn't be out by yourself after dark. You never know what mini boss ends up lurking around the corners.
[She would have gone to him, like he said - met him somewhere that was more favorable to him - because Ochako really needed to just...get out. To breathe. To not feel like she was boxed in. But he told her to stay put, and she listened. She questions why she listens, why she always ends up seeking solace when she's upset with someone like him out of literally anyone else. Anyone else would be better, probably.
But Ochako has things to confess, and they're not good things. Not things she would be able to confess to anyone but him. He might...understand better, or at least she hopes so.]
It's fine. I know a really strong boss. [She smiles down at her feet.] He uses cheatcodes and everything.
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So having someone willing to, for her sake, it makes her feel...stained. Dirty. Not like herself. ...'One of his own', huh?]
Does that make me a villain?
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Please stop, Tomura.
[And yet she...knew this would happen. She knew, the moment Kaneki involved himself with the League, involved himself with them, something like this would happen. The gut feeling she had, even since the goddamn disaster that was the Christmas party, was right on the fucking money. She likes Kaneki just the same, but Ochako hates how unbelievably naive he can be sometimes.
And the enormous can of worms he's opened.]
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Everything's going to be alright. Nothing can ever hurt you. You'll be fine. Are those ones enough or should I go on? You can block me, Ochako, but you can't block the truth.
Face what hurts and use it. That feeling is the most driving feeling you could ever have.
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And then she rushes to the bathroom to throw up. God she can't stand him sometimes. The moments where he reminds her who she's dealing with again, and that she shouldn't let him in too much. Her head is pounding, she feels sick (probably because she just was), and all Ochako wants to do is sleep. But she can't, and she doesn't, and she hates how she goes to grab her phone, hours later, and unblock Shigaraki, and text him. Because she can't ignore what he said. Can't ignore the truth indeed.]
if i hated myself the most
what then
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To him it doesn't bother him enough to stop his night-owl routine, because he knows he's right. Routine of just playing on his handheld to get a few more hours of work in. Work he was actually starting to enjo--
Heh.]
Then you hate yourself. It's still usable hate. It's up to you what you do with it, like blocking the man trying to help you. You used the hate you had to act decisively.
no subject
It was when she came back in, gosh, the end of September? After all that. Ochako hasn't felt like herself since...that time. Maybe she isn't. It'd explain why she's been second guessing every thought, feeling, and action she's done for months now. Maybe she's not really herself.]
wheer r u
im comnig
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You're crying or shaking, again, so I'll come to you. You won't be hard to find. I'll be out front in just a little while.
Text > Action
shakes
don't feel good.
sorry
[And while Ochako will wait for Tomura, she doesn't wait too close to her home area. Using her quirk, she sneaks out her window after leaving a note for Momo on her desk, in case she's not back for a while. A half-lie, saying she got called out by a friend who needed company. Another thing that makes her feel miserable - lying to her friends, keeping secrets from them, feeling like if she's honest, they'll also reject o-or abandon her...
Ochako's not hard to find, even with Search - there's a small shopping plaza a little ways away from the residential area, a few blocks. She has the headpiece of her hero suit on, but otherwise is dressed casually and sitting on the concrete support of a street light. The headpiece helps with headaches, and she can probably get away with people thinking it's just a weird pair of custom headphones....not that anyone's really out to see, though.]
no subject
Maybe without Search it wouldn't be hard, but with it was easier and like a beacon, he was able to pinpoint her both visually and specifically by her quirk. As he walked up behind her, he didn't make any move to conceal that his shuffle of shoes every now and again made noise. He knows she hasn't stayed home, and he knows she'll figure out he has a way to track them if she didn't give him a location.]
You shouldn't be out by yourself after dark. You never know what mini boss ends up lurking around the corners.
no subject
But Ochako has things to confess, and they're not good things. Not things she would be able to confess to anyone but him. He might...understand better, or at least she hopes so.]
It's fine. I know a really strong boss. [She smiles down at her feet.] He uses cheatcodes and everything.